Spirited and inspired parenting for Happy Children
Magic happens when you know about the power of the word
Coming out of an era of corporal punishments and 'Dr Spocks's Baby and Child Care' books who deal with issues of parenting in much the same way schools deal with sex education, I found I had to learn everything myself. We are not just nuts and bolts. We are sensitive, spiritual beings who need emotionally balanced parents. Parents who know life is a process of creation. Spirited rolemodels; fearless, loving, happy, honest, patient, creative, healthy and who respect themselves and others alike. Parents who listen to their children and give praise easily without thinking it might 'spoil' them. Parents who know who they are empowered by the notion that life is supportive and can pass this on to their children. Parents who do not fear God and who encourage their children to reach for the stars and fullfil their life mission.. Unfortunately most amongst our parent's generation and those preceding were victims of even greater abuse denying their dreams and judging everything that was outside 'the norm'.
During the fifties the first wave of Indigos started to incarnate. Indigos are busters of the old belief systems. Naturally peaceful and with a lot of love they are here to inject love in the planet. Today I know I'm one but until I did I felt completely alienated by the brutality I witnessed and was subjected to. Not having had much positive role modelling, I had to learn everything myself. My first-born was very much like a test run; a sacrificial lamb of sorts on whom all the mistakes are made. In hindsight one can marvel at how resilient life really is. He was however poisoned with chemicals in the womb, born with ADHD and nearly died after being immunized; a pivotal moment that marked to start of a turnaround.
Fortunately I learn fast and by the time Tommy was born, 5 years later, from a second marriage with an Australian meditation teacher, I had learned a great deal . Not long after the birth, we moved to desert of Western Australia on a small emerald mine we had bought. We lived there practically alone and isolated from the outside world. Surrounded by that much available space I felt inspired to have two more children bringing the total to four: Jonathan, Tommy, Amber and Helena.
The mine camp was made up of transportables called 'dongas', a kitchen mess, a large watertower, a big shed, a little house, a pool and 2 artificial lakes. The water attracted a lot of birds, wildlife and multitudes of snakes. Regularly they paid us a visit and occasionally even in our bed. We had no television, no radio, no mobile phones and no real internet because those were the days of Compuserve. In the evening after we tugged the children in bed we turned off the generator. The silence was absolute. Stranger danger did not exist. We could hear a car 20 km away. Sugar and sweets were never an issue unless we had visitors. Then their car would be subjected to a search warrant. We ate organic and fresh vegetable from the veggie patch. No need to worry about pests, they had not discovered our oasis yet. The children grew up like little Moglis in the jungle book…totally free to roam the land, climbing trees and playing with nature. Tommy who accompanied his dad everywhere, could operate an excavator from the time he was six.
We always had a nanny for extra eyes and a teacher for the oldest one. I did try to teach him myself but quickly realized that the job of teacher and mother weren’t compatible. We always sought one with a child so Jonathan could have a friend his age. For him moving away had been very confronting. The first 6 months he spent sulking on a rock.
Having extra eyes to watch the children could never be enough however. Young children are very mobile, very creative, very curious. Early on I realized I needed more help because of the dangers. Big machinery, a very high water-tower, dangerous tools, snakes, Redback spiders or simply wandering off were all potential killers. There was also a lot of water around. For the mining activity we needed water pumped up from the underground into two artificial lakes. Before the water overflowed into the lake, it poured into a buried watertank /swimming pool.
The safety of my children was always on my mind and to keep them out of harm's way I would also enlist the help of the angels. Considering they survived their childhood, it must have been an entire army of angels including Special Forces angels! Angels and archangels are entirely devoted to service and they can help everyone everywhere all at the same time. No job is too small or too unworthy. You don't have to 'deserve' their help either and you don't have to turn it into a formal request. Angels have a great sense of humour and their protection is 100% fail proof but unless you call on them they cannot intervene because of the sacred law of free will.
Much like human endeavours, sometimes the service they provide is a solo job such as when they will ensure your child won't be bitten by a snake. At other times it's a partnership that requires you to be fully present to pay attention to sudden thoughts or feelings that arise.
For example one day while I was cooking in the kitchen, I felt a sudden impulse to check on Tommy who was playing by the pool with Hannah, our teacher's daughter. I could have just ignored it but I didn't because my personal radar was always on alert. The kitchen was about 100 meters away and from the doorway I could see the chlidren were playing with a ball. As I stood watching I witnessed Tommy lean over the water on his knees wanting to catch the ball that had fallen into the water. Leaning just a little too far he tipped over into the water. He was 2 years old and couldn’t swim. Bolting across at lightning speed I reached the pool in no-time and stopped for just a split second at the edge to assess the situation. Tommy was sitting happily at the bottom of the pool with a smile on his face, air bubbles slowly escaping his mouth. Thank God, he hadn’t sucked in water yet.
It is during that time that I discovered the Conversations With God books from Neale Donald Walsch. I learned in great detail how to create with the power of words, thoughts, feelings and decided to test my creative powers with the weather. Why not, if truly we are like the books explains, gods; beings created in the image of God all things are possible. Did Jesus not say something like, “Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things "? And so it was I started to ask for rain and lo and behold, as soon as I asked, I could sense a change in atmosphere. That's how it is when you live in a highly energized and clear place isolated and with no people or group consciousness to interfere with our thoughts. It usually took three days for the rains the arrive and for two years in a row we had the greatest rainfall on record. It was a lot of fun because rain meant the roads closed down and we were truly on our own. The whole atmosphere became charged with entrancing smells and bird songs piercing a universe of total silence. It felt like we were in the womb of Mother Nature. Manifesting rain was so easy, I taught the boys how to do it as well. One day I found them fighting, one accusing the other over the fact it was raining too much and to stop doing it!
After a few years living on the mine, we decided to spend summers in Denmark in WA where the climate is cooler and the children could get to know the world, go to school and have friends. I was to stay with the children, while their father travelled back and forth between the mine and Denmark. For the first time the children were confronted with the realities that tag along with living in a civilization and in a way I felt like moving into chaos. Everything was restrictive and imposing, including the fact Tommy could not be his dad’s offsider anymore. The first trip Mark made into town, Tommy asked if he could accompany his dad but the answer remained no. My heart was hurting as I could feel Tommy's bewilderment. Not to be defeated, on his way into town, Mark noticed in his rear vision mirror, a car with a woman at the wheel gesturing madly with her finger pointing towards his car. No matter how hard he tried to find what was wrong with the car he couldn't see anything but the woman didn’t give up and was clearly extremely agitated. In the end he decided to pull over and check what might be the problem. He found Tommy hanging unto the spare wheel. It didn’t take long before people knew about us....or the police who regularly brought little Tommy back to us. The concept of having to stay home behind closed doors or restricted freedom was totally alien.
Everything was new and not for the better. Shops and having to pay for things, strangers, roads and red lights, highways and traffic jams, sweets and chocolate bars in quantities never seen before and having to keep the clothes on. I had literally descended into hell. Their favourite game was running around naked on the roof of the house. The neighbors thought we were mad. Amber who could walk at nine months because of her unbounded enthusiasm to explore the world, felt extremely inspired in this new environment. So many places to discover especially down by the river preferably without clothes, so many sweets to grab….needless to say I spent my entire time chasing after her whilst pushing the pram with Helena up the hill, down the hill. Ironically we lived in the cute white house with a picket fence surrounded by roses in plain view for all to see on top of a hill. One day we had a man at our door obviously shaken. He had missed Amber by a hair when she ran across the highway to get to the bubblegum on the other side. If ever I wanted to have a coffee in town with friends, the moment I opened the doors of the van, the 4 scattered in 4 different directions and my coffee break turned into a ‘catch me if you can’ game.
Despite all this I rarely shouted. Instinctively I knew the moment you shout the situation escalates. Shouting is a pushover tactic ending up with defeated parents whose last resort is threatening physical abuse which is rarely delivered. My kids were way too smart to fall for that one in any case. Ever so patiently, I tried to remain calm when confronted with their naughtiness. If they had been spirited little beings before, now it was trying to contain a hurricane in a teacup. I needed a miracle.
One day it all came to a head. I had moved. The naked children running around on the rooftop of the village had not impressed the owner of the house and I was now living in a teepee on my friend’s block. My husband was away at the mine and it had been a particularly difficult few days. I felt alone, helpless and powerless and I almost wished for them to die. There were stories making the news about desperate mothers drowning themselves with their kids and I could empathize with them. Whilst entertaining those dark thoughts in the dark of the night, in tears and feeling very sorry for myself, I was jolted back to reality with the piercing screams of Helena, my youngest daughter. When I ran into the teepee I found her crying in pain and vomiting but almost as suddenly it stopped and she fell back asleep much to my relief. Shaken by what just happened, I recognized a very strong message. Never again was I going to indulge in harmful thoughts.
The next day I saw she had been bitten on her eyelid by either a spider or a scorpion. It wasn’t swollen but the fangs were clearly visible. I took her to the hospital who sent me to the homeopath. “Unless you know what creature bit your daughter we can’t help you” they told me. The homeopath who I knew well proceeded to freak me out even more by telling me that if the bite was from a flesh eating white-tailed spider, homeopathy was helpless. I left feeling worse for wear.
I decided to pay visit to a friend also a mother of 5 children who had struck me as having things well under control. I shared my nightmare around a cup of tea and asked how she managed to have such well behaved kids. She said she had a book I might want to read that had really helped her. The book was called ‘The Secret of Happy Children’ from Steve Biddulph. As I mentioned before, I wasn't too impressed with the self-help books on parenting but now I felt so utterly defeated I would have read the Bible backwards twice if that had done the trick.
As it turned out, I needn’t worry because the book was so much fun it made me laugh from the first page. It also totally completely and absolutely turned things around from that moment onwards. It was a total miracle.
What I learned is as simple as it is effective yet to some degree I found the experience comparable with having to learn to write with my other hand.
Steve Biddulph explains that you have to tell your children what to do instead of what not to do. If you tell your child; ‘’Don’t go there!” Your child hears “Go there!” It is important to know that 'don't' being weaker isn't registered by the brain and that children only hear what comes after. When you say: "Don't go there", what they heard is: "Go there". They actually listened.
What you say instead is; “Stay here!” if that is what you want. Speaking slowly and deliberately whilst making eye contact reinforces the instructions. So even though it sounds simple, it does require a complete overhaul of learned speech patterns. I was really surprised when I realized I was speaking to my children in much the same way my mum did; 'Don't dos' totally dominated everything. Many people won’t make that effort. I had no choice.
After I finished the book, I took the kids into town and turned it into a mission. I repeated clearly over and over again, just to be sure they really got what I expected of them: “You stay close to me and close to the car. When we get into town until I’m ready to go, you stay together!”
To my utter delight that is exactly what happened and for the first time since arriving in Denmark I was able to have a coffee. Since then I never looked back. In the beginning I had to really think on my feet to stop myself from speaking the old way. The way my mum spoke and the way everyone speaks. I can hear it all around me. Parents getting frustrated with the kids and raising their voice, not realizing their children are doing exactly what they are asked to do.
I hope sharing my story has been of help to you as well. Children are precious and need to be spoken to lovingly and respectfully because the life they will manifest depends on it. Self- respect, self-belief, self-acceptance and self-love are all qualities that are imparted by caring and aware parents. If in the past humanity was in the dark about who they are, today is another reality. Today the world is awakening and leaving behind the dark ages of power over others. These old paradigms have caused enough havoc on our lives. Now is the time to resurrect from the slumber of ignorance and walk into the light awakened and in joy.
My gratitude to Steve Biddulph is beyond words and to those who feel inspired by my story, I seriously recommend reading
‘The Secret of Happy Children”.